Giving it up

I almost had a break down over food Tuesday night.  It came out in our dinner conversation that Ben had taken two of children who were already finished with school out to lunch. Which really isn't a big deal in and of itself.  Except that this past weekend we went to the grocery store and bought 3 pounds of lunch meat (which we rarely buy) and other items to feed our family lunch, and when I balked at the amount of meat he was buying he said that he would eat it this week because he would be home with the girls.  Plus, we had plenty of leftovers and other food in the fridge.  And he just took them out to eat the day before.


I wanted to let it go. But it really bothered me.  Because just a month or so ago he told me we needed to watch our spending because we are buying a house this month.  My little brain flew into survival mode--no spending on anything unless absolutely necessary and avoid eating out as much as possible.  The two days in a row of eating out were more than I could handle.  I'm also going to blame it on the fact that I went to Target twice last weekend and even Wal-mart the night before, two stores I try to avoid like the plague, especially the latter.


Lest you misunderstand me and think that I am bashing my dear sweet husband, let me explain that he is a very caring man who is actually conscientious of his spending and is extremely supportive and even on the same page with me 99.9 percent of the time in all of my glorious craziness.  And lest I come across as a saint and completely innocent in this account, I myself ate out with my girlfriends Wednesday night and then again with others Thursday for lunch.  But it's okay when I decide to eat out, and I don't need anyone to question my choices, thank you very much.  


Hello, my name is Alison, and I'm a hypocritical control freak. (Sorry, Ben.)


Anyhow... as Ben and I discussed the situation after dinner with myself on the verge of tears (dramatic, I know), I discovered two things.  First off, we had a slight communication issue on what "watching our spending" means.  Second, as we are trying to understand each other (because we have had the conversation on eating out for lunch before, and it completely mystifies me why he will go to get a sandwich from Subway when there are leftovers in the fridge), I came to the realization that I think about food. all. the. time.


What are we going to eat for dinner this week?


What am I going to feed the kids for snack?


Have the kids packed their lunch for school?


What am I going to pack for school?


What am I going to fix for breakfast?


Do we need to take a snack or a water bottle?


It seems that as soon as one meal is finished I'm thinking and planning the next.  In my defense I get really, really cranky when I'm hungry, and so do my kids.  Maybe this is a normal mom-thing.  From birth your primary responsibility is feeding your child. every. two. to. three. hours.


But then again maybe I go overboard and get a little OCD on this one.  And doesn't this sound a lot like my post from a couple of weeks ago???  Which leads me to believe I still need to address some things in the food department.


Going through this first week of the Summer of Seven, I've decided that I want to focus on each item for a week as planned, but then also have a take-away to either continue or start for a specific period of time.  This is my plan to try to undo some of this mess inside me:


I'm not writing a menu plan for the next week.  As a general rule, I'm only going to think about the food that is needed for today.  


I'm not making a big weekly trip to the store for the rest of the month with perfectly-planned-out grocery list in hand.  Instead we will base our meals off of what's in the pantry and fill in any gaps as needed on a daily basis. We will continue our bi-weekly produce coop and milk/egg run. (To be honest with you, this one is partly motivated by our upcoming move. Nevertheless, not having a detailed plan for groceries is a definite challenge for me.)


We will give generously and lovingly to those who do not have enough to eat as part of the way we do life.


Finally, I'm giving up worrying about food.  Easier said than done.  However, when I feel myself going down that path, I'm going to give it to God and ask Him to change my heart.