The not-so-planned edition

On the off chance you haven’t noticed already, I am a planner—except for certain areas of my life in which the pendulum swings in the complete opposite direction, and I kind of slap something together last minute the best I can.

Children’s birthday parties fall into the aforementioned not-a-planner category.

Immediately after my oversight, I think about how I would like to be more on top of things next year, but the outcome is always the same:

One month before individuals birthday: Oh, so-and-so’s birthday is coming up.

Two-to-three weeks before said birthday: Ask child what they want to do for their birthday.

One week before birthday: Crap! So-and-so’s birthday is in a week!  I haven’t (called the location, sent invitations, planned or bought anything, let alone make any cutesy things from Pinterest).

This year one of my girls wanted to invite friends from school.  Read: mothers I don’t know attending the party.  And yes, I still went through above steps like I do year after year, inwardly cringing and trying not to worry about what they might think about our scaled down version of children’s birthday parties.  

To be completely honest with you, I have never been one to focus on presentation.  No one has ever accused me of emulating Martha Stewart.  If you come over, my house will be fairly clean and neat, and I will serve you delicious food.  However, I cannot promise that you will be served on cutesy plates or that my cakes, though delicious, will not be lopsided.  My girls’ hair will be brushed, but most likely not be braided, in a ponytail, or in any other stylish fashion.  And they may or may not be wearing perfectly matching clothes, because I’m okay with letting them dress themselves.

Our choices don't bother me until other people's eyes are watching. What will they think because we don't..?  I fear they are judging my mothering skills or my love for my children because we do life differently than they do.  And this little voice in the back of my head wants me to worry about everything not being "perfect."

Christmas is almost here.  More than any other time of year, the pressure is on to have the house just-so.  You absolutely must have a Christmas activity planned for each day, Elf-on-the-Shelf cleverly posed, a Jesse tree, Advent readings, homemade gifts for teachers and neighbors, 12 days of Christmas for your hubby, and the perfect gifts and crafts for your children.

“Too much of a good thing” is a very real possibility.  It's enough to make a sane person go mad.  I want you to stop.  Take a breath.  Step back.  What really makes your heart happy?  What adds value to your family?  Make these decisions based on your family, not mine or anyone else’s.  Let the rest go.  I promise you the world will not come crashing down around you.

The kids helped decorate the Christmas tree tonight.  This is one of my favorite Christmas traditions.  I love how the ornaments on the tree—popsicle sticks, glitter, and photos mixed with the more delicate items—tell the story of our family.  It may not look perfect, but it’s our masterpiece.  And there are only a few short years before this tradition is only a memory.

As far as the birthday party?  When asked, the birthday girl said it was “the best birthday party ever.”  I guess that puts it all in perspective.

The Journey

52 miles. 54 bridges. Most of them one-lane. Over 600 hairpin turns.  "It's about the journey not the destination," is the advice given by locals before starting the road to Hana.  Rounding one of the blind curves, plunging drop-off edging one side of the road and  brick wall the other, I thought we would surely die as an oncoming car raced by, narrowly missing us.

It's about that journey?

The one where I feel completely out of control?

The one where I wonder what will become of our children should we plummet to our death?

Yes, that one.

The one with hike-in waterfalls

gorgeous ocean views

My husband in front of one of the breathtaking views.

fresh pineapple juice with real sugar cane

tropical gardens

Seven Sacred Pools

and secluded drive back into the sunset.

But if you don't slow down and enjoy the journey you'll miss it.

Fresh in my mind is a September day three years ago. 

It was a day. Spilt milk. Dropped banana bread. Temper tantrum. Train. Late to work.  Students not following directions. Worked through lunch. Meeting at conference period. My own tired kids. Grocery store. Walgreens. Busy day. all. day. long. 

But something happened that night at the grocery store that helped, even if just a little.  The kids were cranky and fighting. Again. The bagger asked if I wanted help to the car--YES.  

But he didn't just push the car-cart out to the car. He pretended it was a real car and swerved and added sound effects and spun my kids around.  He left my kids begging, "Can we do that again next time?" and wanting to know his name.  I was tired and so done, and he made my kids' day.  And in doing so he made mine as well.

Sometimes we're so focused on the difficult road in front of us that we miss the views, the waterfalls, and all the other good along the way.  We forget about the joy in the journey.

The children's letter verse this week calls out to me from behind its magnet on the refrigerator  "Do everything without complaining or arguing so that you may become pure and blameless, children of God..." (Philippians 2:14-15)

You see, my tendency is to complain.  When the kids are here, it's too busy and chaotic.  When they're gone, it's too quiet and dull.  When my husband tells me he has to work late, my first reaction is one of discontent instead of thankfulness for God's provision.  Instead of living in the present moment, I look for something more or different.

When Paul told us to do everything without complaining or arguing, I don't think he said it with the intent of binding us to a religious rule.  I think he said it because he knew the bitter pill we swallow when we chose to wallow in discontentment.

Philippians 4:13 is often quoted, but we hear less frequently the verse before it, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me  strength." (11-13)

God gives us strength for the journey.  Strength to find our contentment in Him and not our circumstances.  To thank Him for the good gifts He gives instead of complaining about the struggles.  So that we may become blameless and pure, His very own children.

The most political post I will ever write

I don't really want to write this post.  But these thoughts have been stirring in my head, and my heart is at unrest, and last night's conversation with friends seemed like confirmation that I should.

Here's the deal: I don't know that I really consider myself a Republican anymore.  Before my conservative friends get too bent out of shape, I don't consider myself a Democrat either.  I feel I cannot agree with either party straight down the line on each and every issue.

Additionally, I'm tired of both parties using God as a campaign strategy.  And I'm tired of Christians on either side of the fence blaming those on the other side and looking for a president to solve the moral issues with our country and right the social wrongs.

A donkey and an elephant make poor representations of the true Savior of the world.

When Jesus walked this earth, the Jewish people were looking for Him to overthrow the Romans and establish justice through an earthly kingdom.  But Jesus had something bigger in mind.  He knew that true change can't be enforced from the outside, regulated by man.  How many times did the Israelites botch that one?  

Change has to come from the heart.

Am I saying that Christians shouldn't vote or shouldn't vote according to what they believe?  Am I saying there is not right and wrong?  Absolutely not.  By all means, do the research, pray for God to give you wisdom, and vote.

What I am saying is this: maybe we focus too much on looking to a political candidate to solve the problems of this nation, when it is more important for us as individuals to live out the Gospel in our daily lives.  It is easier to point the finger at others or expect them to do the work for us than it is to take an honest look at how we ourselves are living.

Jesus said all of the law and prophets depend on this: to love the Lord our God with all our heart and to love our neighbor as ourselves.  That is the true hope for our world.

It's over, but not really

Funny how 7 weeks of challenges can stretch over an entire summer.  This was my second read of 7: an experimental mutiny against excess.  This past May I had just written a blog post about wrestling through some questions from the first chapter when I happened upon the blog hop for “Summer of 7.”  It seemed too convenient to be a mere coincidence, so I took the hint and jumped in, and just three months later, here I am at my final post.

This experience has been life-changing for me.   It came at a time when my heart was crying out, “I want to live more like Jesus.”  Which led me to the question, “How did Jesus actually live?” and motivated me to read through the gospels again.

If you want to have your heart wrenched out of your chest, I challenge you to do the same.  Start at Matthew.  Read a chapter a day.  Slowly, not like they’re the same words you’ve heard since you were a child.  Meditate on the words of Jesus.  Start letting Him guide you to actually live them.

I’m not saying that I have this all figured out or have the exclusive bead on what it means to live like Jesus.  But I am foolish enough to believe that I can change the world. And to try to accomplish just that.  I am fortunate to be a part of a church whose members already have the poor and hurting on their hearts, and who already reach out in so many different ways.  So I recruited the help of some of my dear friends, and here are some of the exciting things we’ve started:

Community Lunch- This month our small group teamed up with the Young Adults Small Group and the woman who does our Adopt-A-Block outreach to provide a meal for members of our body who are unemployed and underemployed.  We invited and brought people living in the run-down motels close to our church to come eat with us and worked on building relationships with them. 

We have as our example Jesus, who ate with the marginalized and the sinners.  He said to invite those who don’t have the means to repay you when you host a dinner.  (Luke 14:12-14) When you eat with someone, you share more than just a food.  You invite them to be a part of getting to know you and you them.  We loved it so much we’re going to keep doing it once a month.

Swap Meet- In just a couple of weeks our Women’s Council is hosting our very first Swap Meet to encourage people to purge their excess and share with others.  We are going beyond the traditional swap with friends and inviting all to participate whether or not they have stuff to share, using the early church as our example who shared with each other so that there was no one in need among them. (Acts 2:45)  Not only is this event reducing excess in the areas of possessions, spending, and waste, but is also another opportunity to show the tangible love of Christ to others.

I suggested the book to my friend who has hosted the Summer Book Clubs at our church, who in turn read it and forced encouraged others to read it.  She happens to make little girl’s dresses which are oh-so-adorable and an opportunity to serve others using her gifts fell into her lap.  (You can read more of her amazing 7 God story here.) Suffice to say that when I want to buy my girls new dresses, I will be calling her because that’s exactly the kind of person I want to support with my dollars.

Personally, I have made changes or am working through changes in all of the areas that Jen Hatmaker addresses in her book.  Not exactly the same way she did, but the way God is pulling and tugging at my heart to change.  I could probably make this post twice as long as it is right now, but let me sum up the rest for you.  Reading 7, reading the words of Jesus, and making a decision to actually do something about it has changed and is changing my life and the lives of my friends.  Because you know what, Jesus actually knew what He was talking about.

The Quiet

As of noon yesterday all of our children have left to go to their other parent’s. The quiet resounds. Time alone once anticipated now intrudes and bothers. Two whole hours and I can barely stand it. Sharing children is part of the unnatural aftermath of divorce, life oscillating between a roar and a whisper. 

I hide from the whisper. 

I long to fill the silence, to ignore its very existence, yet in the quiet is when the resolution comes. It’s when the Maker speaks His truth. 

What is there to be gained by filling it with meaninglessness? I know what He has for me, yet I push away instead of drawing closer. 

Do I fear what He might say? Do I not believe what He says? 

Or do I fear being alone and attempt to fill the silence to mask its existence? 

Trading the voice of Truth for a lie, I cling to the fear that I am abandoned. Unloved. Alone. In the quiet, I must face my own weakness. 

But the Father is asks me to let go. Release the hurt, fears, pain, lies, and shortcomings and accept His identity—to trade my ashes for beauty, my fear for His strength. 

The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (I Kings 19:11-13) 

It’s in the quiet that he calls to us. 

Soccer practice, church meetings, work, club meetings, committee meetings, classes, social events—we pack every single minute of every single day full of noise and busyness. Filling the quiet is our specialty. Lulls in conversation create such discomfort, we grasp at straws to avoid the silence with questions as to the weather or one’s health. 

Maybe it’s because we’re afraid. We’re afraid to answer the question, “What are you doing here?” Maybe if we just keep filling up our emptiness with more and more busyness we can avoid having to answer that question. 

Yet it is our Creator who holds the answer to that question, “What are you doing here?” He is the one who tells us our story. And He urges us to rest, to pause from the busy schedule and all of our labors and the noise and stress that goes along with it. 

To listen. 

And to hear His voice. 

To pray and to worship. 

So we can be renewed.

Spending

A few years ago I read about something called The Compact.  Participants pledge to not buy anything new for a year except for food, underwear, and health and safety items.  While I haven't jumped on that bandwagon, it did make me start to think about how many items we buy new when a perfectly good (and sometimes even better quality) used item is available.

Fast forward to not too long ago, I came across an article about children being forced to work as slaves to harvest cocoa beans.  And later I discovered issues of human exploitation related to many products we buy including bananas, coffee, sugar, and cotton--not to mention child sweat shops we've heard about over and over again.

Such knowledge necessitates change lest the haunting reality of our own enjoyment on the backs of others' suffering begins to eat away at our souls.  

Or maybe it just turns to numb indifference.

I am not even going to begin to debate world economics.  I realize that standards of living our different in other countries.  I also understand that what is a fair wage here needs to be translated into what is a fair wage in other countries.  Yes, I've also heard the every country must go through it's own Industrial Revolution.  My concern with that argument is that one is assuming that all things (trade, funneling of profits, etc.) in these other countries is the same or similar to that of the U.S. during it's Industrial Revolution.  I don't know that to be the case.

This is what I know.  I can't go shopping just for fun anymore.  I don't wander the aisles of Target to find something I might "need" that I didn't even know existed before I walked in the store.  I want to know where my purchases came from.  And I don't want to support human slavery with my dollars.

I am definitely not saying this is an easy pill to swallow.  It has taken some working out what we believe and how to actually implement our beliefs, and sometimes there isn't a really good option.  

These are some practical ways our family tries to be conscientious consumers that may help you as well:

1. Reduce purchases overall.  Do we really need it? Can we borrow it?  Do we have something else we can use instead?

2. Look for it used.  (There are certain items like underwear and tennis shoes that I will not buy used. I also look for things that are in good condition or can be easily fixed.)

3. Look for it from an ethical source or local vendor.  My husband and I debated on the preference of used over responsible or known merchant.  Practically speaking, a lot of the more socially responsible companies are more expensive.  That being the case buying used in combination with buying from an ethical source for the items we either can't find or don't want to buy used works out better for our pocket book. (betterworldshopper.org is a good resource for finding out how companies rate on social and environmental practices.)

4. Do what you can.  If we've gone through the previous options and haven't found what we need then we buy from a less desirable source.

Maybe it seems odd to refer to "beliefs" in light of spending.  God calls us to serve Him and love Him in everything we do.  And our life choices--all of them--should be a reflection of His love in us.  

What is God calling you to do?

It's really his anyway

Blatantly ripping off the style in which Jen Hatmaker starts Month 6, here is my financial story in a nutshell:

Once upon a time there was a girl who thrived on thriftiness.  Then she got married and never was on the same page with her husband about finances.  Later they divorced.  And she was a single mom who survived on thriftiness.  One day she met a man who was on the same page with her regarding finances, and they got married and had two incomes.  And he took over the books (Thank the Lord!), and she never worried and obsessed about the budget for two years.  Which wasn’t a problem because they both overall had a conservative mindset toward buying things.

Until one day she saw how much they spent on food in a month.  And she just about choked.

Ahem.

So my plan for spending week is to make a budget for the after-bills money.  I said I was going to do it three weeks ago.  And the week after.  And in the car on the way to my cousin’s out-of-state wedding. 

And I didn’t.

It’s not that I don’t know how to make a budget.  Believe me, I could make several variations of a budget based on whichever financial guru’s method you want.  And it’s not that I don’t know how to scrimp and save to stretch a dollar to make the food budget work.

But I don’t want to go back to that dark place of agonizing over every penny spent and freaking out over spending a few bucks (or cents) without going through mental acrobatics in order to justify the expenditure.

On the flip side, I do not want to be the girl who “eats” her money.  (That’s expensive poop.)   Or the girl who is so selfish in her spending priorities that she neglects those in need.

Throw into the mix that this month I get my last teacher’s paycheck and we are no longer a two-income family—so now we’ve decreased income and increased time.  I don’t consider myself an extravagant spender, but I could still do some serious damage without boundaries.

Which is another way of saying I need to make a budget.

But unlike the budgets I’ve made before, I want this one to have the end in mind of taking care of my family well and caring for others well—setting reasonable limits to our self-spending for the sake of living out what Christ called us to do.   And when you approach it from that perspective, a budget brings life, not death.

I started writing this last night, and let me tell you that every inch of me was kicking and screaming like a spoiled child resistant to actual work and change.

And then in Bible study my friend talks about God reaping out of what is His to begin with anyway.

And the word God gives me is overflow.

And I think that God is trying to tell me to be at peace that He provides more than enough.  God is asking me to use the overflow for His glory, not my own selfish end.  Which is still admittedly uncomfortable and different from a culture which says, “store it all up for yourself, you worked for it, you deserve it”—neglecting to give glory and respect to the God who gave us the ability to even earn it in the first place.

Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God.  Ecclesiastes 5:19

I'm going to go write that budget.