Purging

This will be my fourth move since 2007. I realized this the other night before drifting off to sleep.  In these last five years I have, moved, provided home daycare, separated, went back to work as a teacher, divorced, moved to an apartment, met my husband, married, moved, and joined two families, quit teaching, and now am packing to move once again.

This is not just a purging week for me. It has been a purging month.  I have made at least four trips to the Goodwill, and I have another pile next to the door.

Make no mistake about it, I am a purger by nature and actually am thrilled to regularly look through my closets, bookshelves, and other hiding places to rid myself of items no longer cherished or needed.  But this purging is a little different.  Because after you finish the initial sweep to eradicate unwanted items and pack a box or two, you realize that there is actually more stuff still lurking, some of it awkwardly shaped items that you have no idea how to pack, some of it items belonging to your husband of uncertain identity and usefulness.  Just when you think you are finished, something else creeps up that must be dealt with properly.

It is somewhat like that point in time when you stop just being angry at someone else and start to deal with your own “stuff” that has put you in a difficult place to begin with.  Layer upon layer of hurts and lies-believed-truths must be faced and dealt with.  It’s when your spouse or friend says or does something that triggers the wound-buried-deep-thought-forgiven-and-forgotten.  “Oh, you’re still there?”  And it takes a great deal of perseverance to continue to address the issues and hurts that arise as you walk through life because it’s really easier just to fill the time with something else—anything, really, that will keep you from having to actually deal with what is inside you.

We pack this “stuff” deep into the hiding places of our hearts, so it will never see the light of day.  But light is exactly what it needs to see.  To see the light of God’s healing Truth which robs the lie of any power it once held.  Lain at the feet of Jesus, our insecurities, fears, and sins don’t matter.  We can give them away to one who washes us clean and heals our brokenness.

What lies have you held on to as if they were treasures?  What have you packed away in your heart instead of God’s Truth?  Listen to the song below and take these questions to Him.

Clothing and Insufficiency

Let me tell you that wearing only seven clothes for seven days was not a huge deal for me.  I liked not thinking about what I should wear and having very little laundry.  When I picked out my clothes from the rest of my closet this morning for the first time in a week, I almost felt disappointed that I needed to take the time to decide what I was going to wear. True story.  


When I was in college, we used to watch people (mainly girls) walk by and joke about what their major could be based on the their attire.  For example, a button-down blouse tucked in to a straight black skirt was most likely a business major, however, a long flowing earthy or jean skirt with a T-shirt and no make-up was probably a missions major.  Sounds awful and judgmental, but in truth we didn't mean any harm by it.  We were just 20-year-olds a bit full of ourselves with too much time on our hands between classes.


I'm letting you in on this little dark secret of my past to help you understand me when I say that I fall in between these two aforementioned categories.  I don't really want to look like a missions major (at least not most of the time), but I don't actually care enough to want to look as polished as a business major all of the time either.  Maybe this could be explained by the fact that I was actually a business major interested in missions who ended up becoming a bilingual education teacher after college.  I have the makings of a fashion identity crisis, people, somewhere in between not caring at all and extremely polished and put-together.


Despite (or maybe because of) my mostly nonchalant fashion perspective, I still had clothes lurking in my closet that I a) never wear b) don't like or c) shouldn't wear because it's too worn out.  It's so easy to tell my husband that shirt looks hideous, you need to get rid of it, yet not always so easy to motivate myself to do the same.  I'm envious of Bea at Zero Waste Home with her paired-down wardrobe.  I don't know that I could get mine quite that small, but I have done some purging this week (again) and have come up with a basic guideline:


7 tank tops (I live in Texas, people.)
7 short-sleeved tops
7 long-sleeved shirts
7 dress pants
2-3 sweaters
3-4 jackets
7 dresses
7 shorts/skirts/capris
5 work-out outfits
3 T-shirts
2 pairs pajamas per season


I actually have one or two more in a few of those areas, and I don't plan to get rid of the extra unless I don't wear them or they wear out.  The numbers are more-so a basic guideline to help me know when to say, "Enough."  When I think, "I have nothing to wear." I can take a hard look at what is actually in my closet and say, "No, I have enough," or, "Yes, I need to replace some things."


There is one little problem with this plan: I have had this basic wardrobe plan in the back of my mind for a while.  But then something happens walking through a store when I see CLEARANCE in red.  Especially when it's children's clothing.  The kids might need clothes so they're not running around half-dressed or naked.  (I have actually muttered in my head while walking through Target, "Curse you, Target and your inexpensive and cute but irresponsibly manufactured clothing," while avoiding said clearance racks.  More on this to come during spending week.)


This is a hard habit to break.  Because it's tied to fear.  Fear that if I don't buy the clothes now when they're on sale, I might not have enough to buy the clothes later when we need them.  Or, even worse and more of a reality for me, I might have to buy us clothes at full-price, and I will have completely failed in my responsibility as a mother to stretch our dollars for every penny they're worth.   You see, it's really all about me and my insufficiency and inadequacy as a mother.


Wow.


Which is why I need to hear the Father's voice saying, "I am your sufficiency."  And why I need to lay down my striving to be considered "enough" and allow Him to be "more than enough."


To put practicality to walking that out, I also feel like I need a boundary. Starting now, we're only buying clothes twice a year: October or November for fall and March or April for spring/summer with a couple of items for stockings/presents at Christmas.  Not to begin this with a whole list of caveats, but if a REAL need arises in between or the kids need a shirt for school or activities in between shopping I am not going to be the clothes Nazi. (Maybe I should recite that phrase over and over in my head.)

Harder than I thought

After much deliberation, I have narrowed my wardrobe down to seven clothes for the week.  (Wondering what I'm doing? Read this and/or this.  Wondering why I'm doing this?  Amy Bennett at Permission to Peruse explains it well here.)


Here is my list in no particular order:


One tan tank top
One pair of blue shorts
One pair of work out shirts
One gray T-shirt
Green sundress
Sandals
Tennis Shoes


My initial thought was to go for mix and match, but then realized there isn't a whole lot of mix-and-matching to be done with seven items--especially when workout clothes take up three of those items.  However, since I am counting my workout clothes, I've decided not to count my bathing suit should we go swimming this week.  It's really more like underwear which also doesn't count, right?


I also considered leaving the sandals out and going barefoot when I didn't want to wear tennis shoes, but I have a couple of things this week that I need to look somewhat presentable for (hence the sundress) and I don't want to wear my pink and neon green work out shoes to those appointments.  All of this to say I thought this would be easier as I am not a fashonista.


During this week I am also going to be purging our clothes closets, again, and my dresser drawers which always seem to get overlooked.  I have some other long-term ideas regarding wardrobes floating around in my head, but I think I will save those for the wrap-up post at the end of this week.


For now, I will tell you that I am wondering what my hubby's reaction will be if I ask him to choose seven of his favorite T-shirts and get rid of the rest...

Giving it up

I almost had a break down over food Tuesday night.  It came out in our dinner conversation that Ben had taken two of children who were already finished with school out to lunch. Which really isn't a big deal in and of itself.  Except that this past weekend we went to the grocery store and bought 3 pounds of lunch meat (which we rarely buy) and other items to feed our family lunch, and when I balked at the amount of meat he was buying he said that he would eat it this week because he would be home with the girls.  Plus, we had plenty of leftovers and other food in the fridge.  And he just took them out to eat the day before.


I wanted to let it go. But it really bothered me.  Because just a month or so ago he told me we needed to watch our spending because we are buying a house this month.  My little brain flew into survival mode--no spending on anything unless absolutely necessary and avoid eating out as much as possible.  The two days in a row of eating out were more than I could handle.  I'm also going to blame it on the fact that I went to Target twice last weekend and even Wal-mart the night before, two stores I try to avoid like the plague, especially the latter.


Lest you misunderstand me and think that I am bashing my dear sweet husband, let me explain that he is a very caring man who is actually conscientious of his spending and is extremely supportive and even on the same page with me 99.9 percent of the time in all of my glorious craziness.  And lest I come across as a saint and completely innocent in this account, I myself ate out with my girlfriends Wednesday night and then again with others Thursday for lunch.  But it's okay when I decide to eat out, and I don't need anyone to question my choices, thank you very much.  


Hello, my name is Alison, and I'm a hypocritical control freak. (Sorry, Ben.)


Anyhow... as Ben and I discussed the situation after dinner with myself on the verge of tears (dramatic, I know), I discovered two things.  First off, we had a slight communication issue on what "watching our spending" means.  Second, as we are trying to understand each other (because we have had the conversation on eating out for lunch before, and it completely mystifies me why he will go to get a sandwich from Subway when there are leftovers in the fridge), I came to the realization that I think about food. all. the. time.


What are we going to eat for dinner this week?


What am I going to feed the kids for snack?


Have the kids packed their lunch for school?


What am I going to pack for school?


What am I going to fix for breakfast?


Do we need to take a snack or a water bottle?


It seems that as soon as one meal is finished I'm thinking and planning the next.  In my defense I get really, really cranky when I'm hungry, and so do my kids.  Maybe this is a normal mom-thing.  From birth your primary responsibility is feeding your child. every. two. to. three. hours.


But then again maybe I go overboard and get a little OCD on this one.  And doesn't this sound a lot like my post from a couple of weeks ago???  Which leads me to believe I still need to address some things in the food department.


Going through this first week of the Summer of Seven, I've decided that I want to focus on each item for a week as planned, but then also have a take-away to either continue or start for a specific period of time.  This is my plan to try to undo some of this mess inside me:


I'm not writing a menu plan for the next week.  As a general rule, I'm only going to think about the food that is needed for today.  


I'm not making a big weekly trip to the store for the rest of the month with perfectly-planned-out grocery list in hand.  Instead we will base our meals off of what's in the pantry and fill in any gaps as needed on a daily basis. We will continue our bi-weekly produce coop and milk/egg run. (To be honest with you, this one is partly motivated by our upcoming move. Nevertheless, not having a detailed plan for groceries is a definite challenge for me.)


We will give generously and lovingly to those who do not have enough to eat as part of the way we do life.


Finally, I'm giving up worrying about food.  Easier said than done.  However, when I feel myself going down that path, I'm going to give it to God and ask Him to change my heart.